You don't have to live in New Jersey to vote.
We don't care if you live anywhere. Dead people are people, too.
Vote as often as you'd like, or have surrogates pay others to do it for you.
Unless you're not white - we hear the cops are monitoring the vote and arresting people.
We spent all our money on our new high tech voting system that doesn't keep track of the tally, so if you can hack in and rig the vote, you win - and nobody will ever know or care. Plus, we're all out of money, so it's better for everyone if we just pretend the problem doesn't exist.
Shameless self-promotion and mean-spirited mocking of opponents is encouraged and expected. Lawnmowers optional.
Here's my Shameless Self-Promotion! Vote for CoNJL! Last year, the CoNJL garnered an honorable mention, and I'd love to get it again. We need you to vote for us!
As of right this minute, only 34 folks have voted- have you? Go vote!